Written on ... [05/11/2004 03:13:22]

dear.....whoever
i dont know why i may be feeling like this...She is again slipping into tht same old trance.... I sometimes feel very childish of not accepting things as they are.. Many a time when i see her chumma loitering here and there without doing her work....i feel that sudden thud in my heart which rises all upto my throat and urges me to tell her to go do her work...but then i stop myself ' what right do i have to tell her that? she is a big girl and she knows whats good for her... there's absolutely no need for me to remind her'
but still i am that old character itself...she has been more than a friend for me...i have always felt possesive about her and so she was kind of over protected by me....and the consequences of that...i better not go into that again!!!!!!!! So i stop myself and when accidentally those concerned words escape my mouth my heart pounds again waiting for her reaction...
will it be a 'I knew u will say that' kind of look.......or will it be a look of confusion???.. or will it be her favourite weapon?....Silence???
...her silence...it hurts me more than any other thing in this world...... that expression on her face which completely ignores me...as if i dont even exist!!!!!!............it just pricks deep into my soul and drains me of all happinesss........